If your whistlin’ tea kettle don’t whistle,
And your slide projector don’t slide,
Well you have come to the right place, my friend,
As we’re gathered here together tonight.
But it’s the same old song and dance,
Which is just an innuendo for happenstance,
And if you’d like to be together,
I’ll be together too.

If your life is causin’ you grief,
Then some lovin’ is exactly what you need.
And if your record player should skip a beat—skip a beat—skip a beat,
Well there are those out there who say they’re obsolete.
But I love your records so,
’Cause they’re—they’re what brought us together—I’m talkin’ ’bout you and me, yo—
And if you’d like to be together,
I’ll be together too.

And if you’d like to be together--
Yes, if you’d like to be together--
If you’d like to be together,
I’ll be together too.
Yes, if you’d like to be together—oo!
If you’d like to be together—woo!
If you’d like to be together,
I’ll be together too.